I declare that Thou,
Who thy can thinly see
Is illogically the source of my belief
And not my DISBELIEF.
My eyes fool me so
Because it is in your full vision that I desire to go.
Thank You that you are good and forgiving
Despite my misgivings.
Inexpressible are my moanings
Because I’ve been taught that vulnerability is foreboding.
Forbidden to give totally
Because it is fear that has been sold to me.
But the rains keep coming
And the storms keep thundering
And the hurricanes wash away
Whether we are fearful and doubtful
Or dutiful and faithful.
My eyes say how can we stop this pain?
But you LORD are THE ONE who has sent this rain.
Instead of trying to run with my Faith in my gun,
Wash away my disbelief and place my faith in your SON.
My tendency to go against thou grain
Is why there has been no growth from my grain.
Over my lies you’ve spread your word,
Over my arrogance you’ve poured out the providence from your pain.
And on and on over all my doubt,
But who would have thought that from my small desire for you a flame might sprout?
Three days ago I asked how long must we wait
While violence is being served on our plate.
And three days later you sent us the vision
That I will write down with precision
And will wait with victory when my eyes see delay as you deliberate your decision.
Disbelief no more, disbelief no more, disbelief no more.
Let us go forth and follow your vision
And put to rest our doubts in the fulfillment of your mission.
Theophilus Adoknyplan (“Lover of God who submits to the One True God”) is an unfaithful Lover of God who must actively choose to follow the plan of the Divine daily. The prayer of Theophilus is to grow out of attachment to this world and fully grasp at the realm of God, which was first introduced to the writer through the Black experience and consciousness of the catholic Church.
